I try to put my feelings into words, but it never works. My words get mixed up, jumbled along the way. Starts to feel like I’m going on and on about nothing. Constantly thinking about that one thing that won’t reach my lips, my voice… gone. I just wish you could look into someone’s eyes and everything you want to say is right there. I don’t want to tell anyone anything. I want them to see it for themselves.
oooh. school friends talk a lot about tumblr posts.. so no names will be specifically mentioned. hmm. there are definitely more girls than boys - surprisingly, that I wouldn’t mind getting close to again. One of them, I can honestly say, we clicked! I have selective memory - sorry, we lost the touch. I don’t quite remember what happened to us. But anyways, a lot of them lost my trust and respect as I’m sure I have lost theirs too.
Is there anyone you wish to mend your friendship with? Like you were friends at one time but then things happened to make you guys stop being friends but you wish you could go back and do it all over again?
Of course! I think about this all the time. That ‘what if…’ moment. Hmm, a specific person that I could start over a relationship? too many to name. lolll like church? school? or my outside life?
Your friends are your release. They’re who you have the most fun with. And yet when the going gets tough, those people turn around and suddenly ,they’re just making you laugh. They’re being this rock and giving you all their advice, even though you’re so much your own person. If you dissect yourself, I guarantee you, your friends are there. Their influence is incredible. They’re the people whom you need most in your life.
Not just your friends, but those who believed in you. Those who had faith in you.
On a little side note: Thanks to all of you - who always remind me how loved I am by so, so, many people. They say that being lonely is worse than going through a breakup. but because of you guys, lonely doesn’t feel too lonely (:
Drum Major audition was today. I was pretty nervous yet confident about conducting, doing marching drills and the doing the interview. Of course, there’s only one drum major for my school, and I was pretty mad when I got section leader instead of drum major. Even more so because the drum major is a not a rising senior, but a rising junior who I do not respect. After conversing with few people, I’m glad that I got section leader! All of us, not just me, will have to try our best to follow the drum major. I just hope my senior year can be very memorable - in a good, freaking awesome way.
Anyways, throwing a graduation party for a close family friend tomorrow at my house. Have to clean the house. lalala
You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you're attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It's never been about what you want, it's always everyone's needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you're okay with that, because they're in your life and that's all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you'll still be there for them. Because that's you, that who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that is why it's so hard for you to let him go.
Thank you for describing my inner thoughts that I was too afraid to type by myself.